When Hormones Hit the Fan (& how to recover)

My second daughter was born when I was 42 and I breastfed her until I was 44. Weaning hit me hard: I was moody, my face was a constellation of acne, I flushed easily, and sleeping was an issue. A big issue. Night sweats, constant waking (even when the kids were sleeping through the night which happens, oh, just about never). I gained weight and felt weak even as I hefted two growing kids onto my (growing) hips. Was it the stress of two young kids? Was it that loss of sweet, sweet oxytocin? Was I in perimenopause? Was I just getting old?

He's not an asshole, but my husband said, You need to get this under control because its affecting us all. After the expletives ran through my head and I muttered a few out loud while close to tears (the moodiness! The bitter truth of it all!), I said, I know I know. I just don’t know what to DO. Cue tears. Lots of them.

I turned to food.

In a good way.

We can’t control so much in our lives, like my 6-year-old’s eye-rolling “uhhhhs” when I ask her to use a napkin instead of dining room chair upholstery, but we can control what we put into our bodies in the form of food. And it matters! And it’s hard! Half the time I just want to grab a bag of chips for lunch or go for the stash of chocolate in the cupboard, but now I know how it all affects me, for better or worse.

Here are some things you can do as an older mom with young kids to support your health and all those glorious hormones. Or heck, if you are a living breathing person, these things could help you. But old moms- I get your struggle. There is not enough time in the day, we have middle-aged bodies and brains that are shifting into a different stage of life (read: looming menopause aka perimenopause) and we need all the help we can get. Keep reading or skimming or whatever you have time to do, and below we will look at the six foundations of nutrition and some relatively simple things we can do to support each one.

Nutrient Dense Diet

My family stewards a regenerative farm. We witness the life cycles of the animals and veggies that we nurture and harvest. We know that all life forms require good nutrition to thrive. If we forget to add compost or manure to a veggie bed, the beet greens turn yellow, the broccoli gets aphids, the onions refuse to bulb. If the animals don’t have sufficient nutrition in their grass or grains, they get sick, can’t get pregnant or have difficulty birthing, are stunted in growth. We are animals, we are growing, living things that need more than “just food” (ie processed foods that makes up 60% of the average American’s diet) to avoid chronic diseases and to truly thrive!

1. Eat Eggs. Packed with good fat, protein, vitamins and minerals, eggs are an excellent way to start the day. Scramble or fry and put on top of some pasture-raised sausage or ground beef sauteed with greens, and voila, a nutrient-dense and blood-sugar-balancing trifecta.

2. Make friends with the farmers. Go with the kids to your local farmers market and get what veggies, fruit, and meat you can for the week. If you have the freezer space, buy a portion of a pasture-raised cow, lamb, or pig so you always have good meat on hand. And FYI, pound for pound, grass-fed animal meat is often LESS expensive than chips and candy bars yet much richer in nutrients. (Note: many markets honor EBT and sometimes even double the value to make clean food accessible)

3. Eat liver. Yup. I know. But let thy food be thy medicine, and who knows, you may just acquire a taste for it. Liver is such a powerhouse of nutrients that eating it just once a week can literally change your life. Sautee with butter, onions, fresh thyme, and cream then blend the leftovers to make a pate to spread on cucumber slices or seed crackers. My kids still love liver and I, well, don’t love love it but I do love the feeling of nutrients flooding my system.

Digestion

So, you’ve gone to the farmers market to get all your well-raised meat and produce. You pull a beautiful meat and veggie rich casserole out of the oven. And wow, the kids are eating it with gusto! You feel like a good mom. Meanwhile, you are wolfing down your food so you can supervise evening meltdowns. You feel bloated, gassy, tired. But you’re eating healthy! What gives? Digestion starts in your brain and ends at your butt. Real talk. Yet as simple as it seems, so much can go awry in that tube o’ digestion and it all starts with mindset, not your teeth. Your body must be in a parasympathetic mode (aka NOT fight or flight) to properly digest and absorb all those beautiful nutrients you prepared. If you’re in a stressed state, then the whole process gets wonky. I can’t change your kids (or mine, apparently) but I can suggest some things to kick off digestion.

1. Sing a gratitude song. It gives you all a minute to pause, breathe, and give thanks for good food. This will signal to your body to relax and devote energy to digestion.

2. Chew your food. Chewing releases enzymes in your saliva to start digesting some of the carbohydrates and fat in your food. It also breaks your food into smaller bits which will make it easier for your stomach to turn it into soupy chyme, therefore making it easier for the rest of your digestive tract to absorb all the good stuff and eliminate the rest.

3. Eat bitter stuff. Bitter greens such as dandelion, radicchio, endive, and kale stimulate bile production in your liver as well as hydrochloric acid in your stomach- both of which are essential to good digestion. Also, sip on a bit of sparkling water infused with digestive bitters before your meal.

Blood Sugar Regulation

If I eat toast with jelly, all those carbs are turned into glucose and enter my bloodstream right quick. My body shoves it all into my cells as quickly as possible with insulin to get my blood sugar down. If my insulin response is too strong (usually from having to react like this too often) and propels me into a low blood sugar zone, my body reacts again, this time with adrenaline and other “fight or flight” hormones to get my blood sugar up, so I go from feeling horribly tired to anxious and crazy. Not a good cycle and one I didn’t realize was linked to blood sugar regulation because I was eating “healthy” foods. Here are some ways I’m trying to keep that blood sugar/energy/sanity level:

1. Eat protein and fat for breakfast. Eggs, sausage, and greens, or Greek yogurt, paleo granola, and flaxseed oil, or even a good brothy soup will start your day with a slow steady burn of energy instead of an explosion and crash of sugar in your bloodstream.

2. Balance those macros, even with snacks. It takes a little more planning, but grabbing freshly cut veggies accompanied by meat sticks/jerky, cheese (if tolerated), or a jar of broth will give you more energy in the long run than a sweet treat and/or another coffee.

3. Move after meals. Take a walk, do jumping jacks, or run up and down the stairs for a few minutes after meals to keep your blood sugar from spiking and getting you all out of whack.

Fatty Acids

I was a teen in the 90s. I ate mountains of Snackwells and focused more time counting calories and grams of fat than concentrating on my Calculus homework. And I thought that eating fat made you fat. Period. Except that’s not true. Fats provides energy, are essential for absorption of fat-soluble vitamins, are a building block for cell membranes and hormones, and taste oh so good. And there are fats are body absolutely needs and cannot make, like Omega 3s and 6s, and these essential fats are responsible for the healing process.

1. Eat sardines and salmon. They are full of anti-inflammatory Omega 3s that are essential for, well, living. I’d suggest mixing sardines with mayo and a touch of kraut.

2. Cut toxic seed oils. Despite all the marketing, seed oils like soybean and safflower are unstable and not good for your heart or any other part of your body. The inflammation that accompanies consumption is worth the effort of switching to ghee or avocado oil for cooking and seeking out snacks that don’t have the toxic stuff.

3. Butter it up. Animal fats like butter, lard, and tallow are good for you! So save that bacon grease and cook your greens with it and slather butter on your roasted chicken and peas. We need all kinds of healthy monounsaturated, polyunsaturated, and saturated fats for our bodies to thrive!

Mineral Balance

We all want strong healthy bodies, including healthy bones, for ourselves and our kids. We can’t make minerals ourselves, so we must eat and drink them. Unfortunately, due to declining crop soil quality and digestive problems, most of us are lacking some of the essentials or can’t absorb them properly.

1. Add trace minerals and electrolytes to your water. This is an easy way to get the smaller yet still very essential minerals we need.

2. Eat liver. Yup. I said it again. It’s full of so many vitamins and minerals! Whether you take the liver challenge or not, be sure to eat a lot of pasture-raised meat and regeneratively grown veggies to get a variety of minerals. And possibly take a food-based multivitamin. But…

3. Don’t take calcium supplements. Most people get enough calcium in their diets, it’s just a matter of being able to absorb it for the body to utilize, so focus on getting the other minerals and vitamins, as well as digestion, into balance.

Hydration

The cells in your body literally need water to function: it enables the digestive process, flushes toxins, cushions bones and joints, and does so much more. And I know the early symptoms of fatigue, brain fog, cravings, anxiety, and headaches are not fun. Neither are the prominence of wrinkles on my face when I haven’t had my 80 or so ounces!

1. Fill up TWO 32 oz water bottles or quart jars a day. Then drink them all (and more, if needed). Add electrolytes or a sprinkle of sea salt and a lemon wedge.

2. Eat soup. Don’t like the taste of water? Kids don’t like water? Eat more soup and other hydrating foods like yogurt, cucumbers, watermelon, smoothies, and coconut milk/fruit popsicles to boost your hydration. (But drink water too!)

3. Drink clean water. You might hate the taste of your water because its full of nasty chemicals. So much of our water is, unfortunately. Look up your water quality or test your well. If needed, get a filter so your water isn’t a source of sickness, not health.

Lambing Season

Her womb was warm and slippery against my searching hand. The lamb’s head was lolling in the outside world, eyes closed, little tongue out. One little hoof out. That was the problem. When sheep give birth you see the little nose and two little hooves bunched together coming out of the vagina, like a tiny diver readying themselves for the high board into the pool of life. Yes, that is dramatic because yes, birth is dramatic and magical and harrowing.

At least this one was. The first ewe of the season to give birth and she was obviously having problems getting the little one out. We’d been watching her for hours after the bag of water that emerged first lay on the barn floor. We watched her lay down and rise, contractions pushing through her for hours, a lamb nose finally emerging then receding. The tides of birthing exhausting her. We gave her space, peered at her vagina through binoculars, saw only that one little hoof pressed under the nose and knew we had to help.

That is how I found myself gooped up with antiseptic lubricant, elbow deep in ewe’s vagina. It’s awfully roomy in there, actually. I couldn’t help thinking of my own birthing stories, 68 hours and 20ish hours for my two girls, the pain and exhaustion, looking up at my midwife as I panted and howled on the rug in my living room and begged, Please help me!

I slipped my way down the stuck lamb’s body, found the other leg bent backwards, not the way it should be at all. I thought of my girls again, both born with arms above the heads, in my case not ideal, in my case not like diving out of the vagina but like pushing against the walls, refusing to leave. I get it- it’s a tough world. But my girls eventually made their ways out and I was going to do my best to save this little stuck lamb. After a failed first attempt with the mama lying down, a couple of friends helped hold her up while I pulled at the little leg, afraid of breaking something inside, mama or baby, but knowing that one or both or all (two more babes inside after the stuck one) could die if we didn’t get them out. So, I laced my finger into the crook of his leg and pulled, both hands now helping the body, the mama lowing and panting.

Come on mama, I chanted as the nose, eyes, ears emerged, as the legs and body and tail emerged. A puddle of lamb on the floor, blood and mucous and membranes, the mother slowly turning to see what the hell just happened. I don’t remember if she tended to him right away, this lamb that was in fact alive and breathing, all I remember is my friend saying, we need to get the other one out because this mama is too tired to push.

So we pulled.

Two more slimy little lambs that the mama licked clean, nudged their little bodies up to standing, little mouths instinctually finding the engorged udders.

Days later we ended up bottle feeding that first little lamb. Triplets are often hard to care for by a single ewe and that one was not getting enough, almost died from lack of nourishment and attention. We intubated him, gave him antibiotics, nursed him back to health as he lay swaddled on our kitchen floor. The girls gave him stuffed animals and made a card for comfort. Much to our surprise, he made it through, but we needed to keep him from his mother so that he didn’t mistake her for one who would care for him as he starved.

 I attempt not to compare myself to sheep- to the mothers that cannot handle more than one lamb, to the mothers we’ve had to cull that had birthing problems and no maternal instinct, leaving their lamb’s wet, shivering bodies lying in the hay.

Mothering is hard. Birthing, for me, was hard, even for the second one (which everyone said would be a breeze). All that talk about letting your instinctual animal body take over, that this is what female bodies are meant for and can naturally do, well, sometimes shit goes sideways- with humans and animals.

For weeks during lambing season I found myself staring at ewe vulvas trying to answer my kids’ questions as best I could. My five-year-old wanted to know more about the mechanics: What does the placenta do and what is the watery bag? Why does the mama not take care of a lamb? Why is one sick? Why does one die?

At night my two-year-old wanted stories about bloody sheep vaginas, placentas on the barn floor, and blood-covered babies.

And I am grateful for the questions and my challenge to answer.

I am grateful for the connection to life and death, the processes, the cycles.

I am grateful that our bottle baby Milky let me help him out into the this big, tough, beautiful world.

I am grateful to be a mama even though some days I want to push my way back in to a warm and quiet watery womb, be held, in the dark.

Originally published at www.jennygoff.com